I have had some situations come up in client sessions recently that caused me to reflect on how willingly the ego/personality part of us can latch onto a difficult life situation and not want to let it go. These situations are usually around their closest personal relationships. There ensues an on-going rehash of the situation – how it should have not happened this way, what can I do to reverse the outcome, why would anyone treat me this way, etc., etc., etc. The inner dialogue seems to go on with little let up and the person is worn completely out trying to resolve the situation to a better conclusion, when in reality it is already a done deal. It seems of no matter that this rehashing is counter productive and wearing – only that the ego at times seems to need to continue on a very non-productive loop to no where.
As I am called to assist these clients to move forward, I do always advise to start to let go of their stuck perspective and to start to refocus on more productive and pleasant parts of their lives. It is a great truth that “energy flows where attention goes”. So it does become vitally important to start the process of moving the attention off of the current trauma and put energy into the more rewarding things in our lives. I also know that this process requires quieting the ego mind about the subject and so may become a difficult task when the experience is fresh.
Over time it is usually possible to more objectively look at the difficult situation and start to see it from different perspectives. To be able to ask and find the answers to important questions about what occurred. Questions like: what did I gain / learn by this happening to me? How am I better for this experience? What might I do differently if a similar situation arises? What does my Soul want me to know about this experience? What is the value in forgiving and moving on?
I often refer to the ego part of us as our “small mind” and it is all about self-protection. So when our ego is wounded it does tend to start into a loop of thoughts about its injury. This part of us is also attached to what I call “small heart”. Once our ego mind gets stuck on a painful wound it tends to close and armor our small heart as well. On the other hand, we all do possess our “big mind” and “big heart” – both of which are connected to our highest spiritual selves. When we can move from the place of wounding and protection which comes from small mind / heart to the more expansive and compassionate part of us which is big mind / heart then we can start to see the larger picture of our journey and what the value has been in each and every experience – no longer calling them bad or good – just calling them lessons.
I believe that all of life lessons come to us for our learning and therefore for our growth and ultimate benefit. Being able to arrive at the place where our wounds can be talked about without feeling wounded and to be grateful for every experience is the object of our healing journey. For those who have the ability to transit difficult ground by tapping into their larger soul perspective, the healing takes less time. For those that get stuck in the ego looping of the limited perspective of the story, the healing will take longer – and may not be healed in one lifetime.
We all came here to magnify our soul through experience, not to get stuck in a painful part of the story that may limit the soul from fully manifesting its purpose for incarnation. So no matter how attached we may be to our wounds, there must come a time when reason prevails and we must let go and seek more joy-full, peaceful ways of being.