I sit in meditation, clear my energy and start to notice how heavy my body feels – heavy and tired – body and soul.  I start to see myself as a man in a cave lying wounded and dying.  I feel the clothing of a Roman soldier on my body and start to see scenes from the life as a Roman centurion.  I see that I came from humble beginnings and that as a child I was not readily accepted by other children.  As I grew large in stature I retaliated by being the mean bully to others to protect myself and to find power over them.

I used this forceful way of being as my way of life that led me to join the Roman military.  I was especially good at the art of warfare and enjoyed the killing and destruction that came from being a part of the ruling forces.  Because of my skill, I rose quickly through the ranks to a position of authority over many.  I never allowed myself the luxury of personal attachments – living the life of a loner and a person to be feared and obeyed.  I was Titanius Hephaestus.

I see an array of scenes of battle, chariot races, victory marches and feel the emotions of pride and arrogance.  I then see going into battle expecting to be once again invincible and meeting my match and am wounded.  It feels stunning that such a thing could happen – I was to be feared – I was unbeatable – it was unthinkable to be mortally wounded.  I find my horse and make my way away from the battle.  I find a cave and manage to crawl into it and lay down, knowing  that I will never leave the cave alive,  I know I am dying – all alone.

I become aware of being at the temple, myself today and the Roman soldier, and am able to ask him some questions about his life.  I can see that there is a wounded little boy at the center of his being that he was covering up with his forceful behavior.  I asked about the boy and he acknowledged that much of his behavior was out of fear.  I asked him about what he had learned at the end of the life as he was dying alone in a cave with no one to care about him.  He tells me that force never was power – power comes from the gentleness of the heart – for self and others.  Such wisdom from this desctructive life.

By the time I see this life I had already visited lives where I was more of a victim.  So I thought about the sequences of lives I was seeing and the correlation this life has to do with these others.  It is mportant to see that we experience all possible ranges on the spectrum of learning – the victim and the perpetrator – the villain and the hero – the sinner and the saint.  Also to be able to get a sense of what the feelings are that are left to be healed, released, understood and valued.

I was left with a sense of sadness for all that is lost when we choose a life where we close our heart to all love, compassion and kindness.

In peace…….Margie