I sit in meditation, clear my energy and start to notice how heavy my body feels – heavy and tired – body and soul. I start to see myself as a man in a cave lying wounded and dying. I feel the clothing of a Roman soldier on my body and start to see scenes from the life as a Roman centurion. I see that I came from humble beginnings and that as a child I was not readily accepted by other children. As I grew large in stature I retaliated by being the mean bully to others to protect myself and to find power over them.
I used this forceful way of being as my way of life that led me to join the Roman military. I was especially good at the art of warfare and enjoyed the killing and destruction that came from being a part of the ruling forces. Because of my skill, I rose quickly through the ranks to a position of authority over many. I never allowed myself the luxury of personal attachments – living the life of a loner and a person to be feared and obeyed. I was Titanius Hephaestus.
I see an array of scenes of battle, chariot races, victory marches and feel the emotions of pride and arrogance. I then see going into battle expecting to be once again invincible and meeting my match and am wounded. It feels stunning that such a thing could happen – I was to be feared – I was unbeatable – it was unthinkable to be mortally wounded. I find my horse and make my way away from the battle. I find a cave and manage to crawl into it and lay down, knowing that I will never leave the cave alive, I know I am dying – all alone.
I become aware of being at the temple, myself today and the Roman soldier, and am able to ask him some questions about his life. I can see that there is a wounded little boy at the center of his being that he was covering up with his forceful behavior. I asked about the boy and he acknowledged that much of his behavior was out of fear. I asked him about what he had learned at the end of the life as he was dying alone in a cave with no one to care about him. He tells me that force never was power – power comes from the gentleness of the heart – for self and others. Such wisdom from this desctructive life.
By the time I see this life I had already visited lives where I was more of a victim. So I thought about the sequences of lives I was seeing and the correlation this life has to do with these others. It is mportant to see that we experience all possible ranges on the spectrum of learning – the victim and the perpetrator – the villain and the hero – the sinner and the saint. Also to be able to get a sense of what the feelings are that are left to be healed, released, understood and valued.
I was left with a sense of sadness for all that is lost when we choose a life where we close our heart to all love, compassion and kindness.